youre lurking in front of me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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