I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
