Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
