at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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