How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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