hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
