I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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