She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
