WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
