Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
