His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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