My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
