whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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