I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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