I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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