You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We got so high we made milksteak
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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