I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
