I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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