weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
