well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
