you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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