Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
