i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
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well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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