I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
