At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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