when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
