Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
