the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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