I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
