I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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