I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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