never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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