Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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