you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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