All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
