Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
