I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
