It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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