You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
