Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...