She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.