You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Rumble strips road head = magical
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.