Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he puts the penis in happiness.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.