I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY