Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me