I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.