2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
the liver wants what the liver wants
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!