Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
