Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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