Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
