My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
