when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
