We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Enjoy the penises
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
