His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
