u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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