Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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