I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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