You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
