You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
PANTIES FOUND
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