Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
