you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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