He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
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I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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