ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
