I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
