where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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