So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
