So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
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I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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