just tell him i said nine months
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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