Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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