I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
