i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
