I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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