I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
