one two three fourrrrnication!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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