Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
