I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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