Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
