laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
