Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
