he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
